I don't think I could be a reporter like the ones you see on TV or the ones who write for the newspapers. I can not just keep writing or talking about the same subjects when there is not new stuff to talk about.
Ex-wife two for some reason is now telling people some “exaggerated” stories of our marriage. I don't know exactly why she would be starting now. We had a “truce” kind of working for a long time but for some reason either she has started again or has never stopped and I am just now seeing the events.
I have a list of things I need to do, but I am having so much time cutting through the crap to be able to get to them. It seems that every part of my life is a contradiction fighting against itself or is a domino waiting for the domino before it to drop. In my mind I believe that I should give up control and equally I believe I should try to gain control. Of the list of things I need to do I always have something that needs to get done first. My dominoes are in a circle.
I have been really pushing myself in my stretching. The main way I can know that I got something done well is by how weird I feel for the rest of the day. Not only am I in pain but my body goes through this emotional rollercoaster because of the drastic change in my circulation and therefore body chemistry. That feeling I have scares me because I don't know if that’s how I “really” feel or is it an exaggerations caused my the chemical release. I hope that’s not how I feel. I understand the need to give up control of some things in my life but I have to admit that I fight the idea of feeling like that every day. I know that I am sad at times, but am I that sad?
The world does not seem to be changing. Or at least my view of it is not changing. I wish it were. I see so many things I should write about. I see so many points that I want to make. I watch a press conference and I know which news station will report which part of the speech based on the politics of the station. It’s weird really.
With all the new stuff happening everyday how is it that they can always say exactly what they said yesterday.
I am bothered by the knowledge that even in the case of this blog others will form an opinion based on the evidence presented here and they will not take the time to find ALL the evidence to form there own opinion.
Our lives are founded on inequitable contradictions. We tell ourselves that we should control the betterment of our own lives and only our own lives. If everyone does that then the world as a whole will see change. We also tell ourselves that it is the duty of everyone to guide the actions of others and take care of them if they are unwilling or unable to take care of themselves. Also there is a group who believe that the world should guide their actions because they are incapable of guiding themselves.
I am kind of jumbled today. I went to bed early last night and ended up waking up in the middle of the night and was not able to go back to sleep.
As I was going to sleep last night I was talking with my significant other. I enjoy the fact that we can just talk. While talking last night she told me that she did not know how to take off child proof lids from my aspirin. She knows how to now but when she first came here from her country she did know how. I was amazed. Here in America we learn how to do it when were …children. They don't even have those lids in her country. I remember going to sleep last night amazed at how the most technologically advanced county in the world took the time first to actually teach their kids how not to take the pills, rather than invent a lid that makes them want to take them even more.
I think that small things like this are a reflection of our societies and in many ways can be used as an example of myself in my younger years. Eventually our children will figure out how to get through the safeguards that we have created to protect them. How do we convince them not to take the pills just because now they can?
