I am not a Christian. I do not believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins, nor do I believe that asking for forgiveness from an almighty super power will get me into heaven. I believe that I as an American citizen have the rights to worship how I see fit without the opinions of any other American affecting me.
Christmas is a Christian holiday to be celebrated by Christians in their way.
Christians are taught to love everyone. ( I am not saying that they do, I am saying that’s what they are taught.) They are taught that anyone that is not Christian will burn in some sort of hellfire. They are taught that it is there duty to “save” us from ourselves. It is their belief. It is their truth. It is their doctrine. It is as much of a duty to them as is facing East for Muslims and Kosher foods for Hebrews.
If we refuse to allow the word “Christmas” in the Holiday Season then we are in fact not allowing Christians to worship as is their right under the laws of the United States. If we tell them they are “not allowed” to try to convert us then we are not allowing them to worship as is their right. I know it seems silly, but facts are facts. If we want to claim our rights to religious belief then had best be prepared to allow others the same right.
I am going to say again here that I am not a Christian. My religion is in no way Judaic or Hebrew it its basis and in no way do I worship a supreme or all knowing power. As a veteran in our military I will tell you now that the vast majority of the soldiers dieing to defend our rights are in fact Christian in their beliefs, and I am ashamed of any of us who can not let them call their holiday whatever they want to.
I have seen it all now. I have seen a time when we actually have a chance to show the Christians what tolerance can be, and instead we are just going give them a swift kick and try to take away the name of the holiday as well.
Isn’t it enough that over the years we have slowly stripped away the belief behind the holiday? We have to take the name too? We turned Jesus into Santa. We turned the belief of resurrection into an Egg laying Rabbit. Christians are responsible for many historically saddening events. Only the Romans before them can claim any equality when it comes absorbing religions. It saddens me to see how we “the enlightened” religions are going out of our way to emulate our “oppressors”.
This is one more step towards insuring that we can never be a tolerant people. I beg of you this season and every season of every year to remember that our goal is equality not revenge.
Merry Christmas and a happy 364 others days.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Angry and Desperate! ME?
A friend of mine wrote me recently after having read the things that I have posted here and told me that I am a different person here than I am in real life. Here I am “full of anger and desperation”.
I hope that the casual reader here, if there is any…lol does not get the idea that I am a person who has no hope about the world. Quite the contrary I like to think that all things considered I am a happy guy.
I use this area more as a way to think through things that are happening in my life and in our world, and yes some if not most of these things are negative things, but by understanding what makes me angry and desperate I come closer to understanding what really makes me happy and fulfilled. It’s a fact of human nature that we do not appreciate a warm summer breeze until we have spent the winter curled under blankets on an air mattress because we can afford neither a bed nor heat.
Here I can begin to purge myself.
As a people we as humans can not, and will not appreciate the good things in our lives until we can understand the true reasons behind the things that make us sad. I am not saying that the things I have here are the complete picture describing the basis for the evils in the world, or even the evils in my personal world, but they are a lot closer then the lies we tell ourselves daily. They are definitely closer to the truth than we allow others to tell us daily.
I write these things here rather than in a private journal because quite frankly I do not trust myself to be honest to myself. I want happiness but I want it because I earned it and not because someone sold me a cheap substitute. When left to my own thoughts I can be diverted away from the facts quite easily. When I put my thoughts here I feel pressured to find a reasonable answer that goes beyond something we can be told on television. There is not a high chance that anyone is ever going to read these posts that I have made, but still the possibility is enough to make me want to think these things through. Here if I lie to myself about these personal matters someone might call me on it.
When talking about politics or my divorces, or my feelings on my children or religion or (insert subject here) it is so easy for me to just feel sorry for myself like so many do and say “I am right”, regardless of what I know to be fact.
*****
A friend pointed out to me once that truth and fact are not the same and if I treat them the same I will continue to be confused.
*****
When we are making decisions about our lives we tend to use only the facts that are convenient to us at the time rather than constantly use all the knowledge we have. This is how we create our own truths. We’re lazy. Here with the possible judgment of strangers looming over me I am forced to prove myself, by explaining why. Knowing that this might pass in front of other eyes makes me think outside myself and be more of a balanced judge of my own emotions and reactions. I have to work to try to understand why. Like a child wondering about the color of the sky, one “why” should never be enough. At what age do we start telling our children that they need to just accept the first answer we give them? At what age were we told, and WHY were we told?
You see like that child one “why” is never enough because there is always another “why” waiting.
The things I have here are not “all” written out of anger. Granted, frustration is a driving factor behind some of my views, but once I come to terms with something I can not change than I am more likely to accept it for what it is and move on. I am not “angry” that the sky is blue, but I am “desperate” to know why.
If in passing I either answer someone’s “why”, cause them to ask “why” for themselves, or at a minimum make them rethink something they have already made a decision on then all the better.
I really don’t want to change anyone’s opinion on any subject, but I want everyone to realize “why” you have the opinions you have. Make sure it’s yours and not one you have borrowed.
I hope that the casual reader here, if there is any…lol does not get the idea that I am a person who has no hope about the world. Quite the contrary I like to think that all things considered I am a happy guy.
I use this area more as a way to think through things that are happening in my life and in our world, and yes some if not most of these things are negative things, but by understanding what makes me angry and desperate I come closer to understanding what really makes me happy and fulfilled. It’s a fact of human nature that we do not appreciate a warm summer breeze until we have spent the winter curled under blankets on an air mattress because we can afford neither a bed nor heat.
Here I can begin to purge myself.
As a people we as humans can not, and will not appreciate the good things in our lives until we can understand the true reasons behind the things that make us sad. I am not saying that the things I have here are the complete picture describing the basis for the evils in the world, or even the evils in my personal world, but they are a lot closer then the lies we tell ourselves daily. They are definitely closer to the truth than we allow others to tell us daily.
I write these things here rather than in a private journal because quite frankly I do not trust myself to be honest to myself. I want happiness but I want it because I earned it and not because someone sold me a cheap substitute. When left to my own thoughts I can be diverted away from the facts quite easily. When I put my thoughts here I feel pressured to find a reasonable answer that goes beyond something we can be told on television. There is not a high chance that anyone is ever going to read these posts that I have made, but still the possibility is enough to make me want to think these things through. Here if I lie to myself about these personal matters someone might call me on it.
When talking about politics or my divorces, or my feelings on my children or religion or (insert subject here) it is so easy for me to just feel sorry for myself like so many do and say “I am right”, regardless of what I know to be fact.
*****
A friend pointed out to me once that truth and fact are not the same and if I treat them the same I will continue to be confused.
*****
When we are making decisions about our lives we tend to use only the facts that are convenient to us at the time rather than constantly use all the knowledge we have. This is how we create our own truths. We’re lazy. Here with the possible judgment of strangers looming over me I am forced to prove myself, by explaining why. Knowing that this might pass in front of other eyes makes me think outside myself and be more of a balanced judge of my own emotions and reactions. I have to work to try to understand why. Like a child wondering about the color of the sky, one “why” should never be enough. At what age do we start telling our children that they need to just accept the first answer we give them? At what age were we told, and WHY were we told?
You see like that child one “why” is never enough because there is always another “why” waiting.
The things I have here are not “all” written out of anger. Granted, frustration is a driving factor behind some of my views, but once I come to terms with something I can not change than I am more likely to accept it for what it is and move on. I am not “angry” that the sky is blue, but I am “desperate” to know why.
If in passing I either answer someone’s “why”, cause them to ask “why” for themselves, or at a minimum make them rethink something they have already made a decision on then all the better.
I really don’t want to change anyone’s opinion on any subject, but I want everyone to realize “why” you have the opinions you have. Make sure it’s yours and not one you have borrowed.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Senate Rejects Extension of Patriot Act
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051216/ap_on_go_co/patriot_act
No good can come from this. I don’t fear so much that we need the patriot act. In all truthfulness I don’t believe there is actually a way to measure its usefulness. I think government policies that work are the first to go. If they “solve” the problem then people quickly forget there was a problem. Maybe we do need it then.... who knows? Politically however how sweet would it be for the Republicans if a terrorist attack were to happen after January 1st. I find myself wondering if I trust them enough to think that they would not turn there eyes from a “small” one. Small but highly televised.
I hate to say it but yes it is possible. I am going to post this now simply so I can stand by opinion and if it does happen I have a reference to point back to.
I hope I am wrong, but really the odds are in my favor. I mean as much cocaine comes in this country everyday it’s not hard to think of the same amount of other white powders could be making it in. I am also pretty sure that “terrorists” can run equally well as illegal immigrants who make it in everyday. If you were to do your research you would quickly find that the main wording that has the critics in an uproar is the specifics concerning methods needed to track a "lone wolf" terrorist. If we try to think of how “secure” our country is in concert with how some people in the world think about us it’s really quite surprising that we are not hit more often.
If you think of the Oklahoma City Bombing of 1995, a little fertilizer can make all the difference in the world. Who needs nitro?
The good news is (if it can be considered good news) right now the “terrorists” want us to bring our soldiers home as bad as we want them to come home. There are a few putting up a show in their neighborhoods wanting mainly to show that they are willing to fight the evil infidels. (They are fighting their propaganda the same as we fight ours.)
Our President has proven definitively that he and his administration have the power to bring the United States military machine to bear regardless of what “We the People” think. Also “We the People” should give ourselves a hand as well. We have proven that we’ll do most anything if you make us mad enough. Finally lets not forget the United States Media who is so good at making us mad. We have a well oiled machine when someone “justifies” us.
No good can come from this. I don’t fear so much that we need the patriot act. In all truthfulness I don’t believe there is actually a way to measure its usefulness. I think government policies that work are the first to go. If they “solve” the problem then people quickly forget there was a problem. Maybe we do need it then.... who knows? Politically however how sweet would it be for the Republicans if a terrorist attack were to happen after January 1st. I find myself wondering if I trust them enough to think that they would not turn there eyes from a “small” one. Small but highly televised.
I hate to say it but yes it is possible. I am going to post this now simply so I can stand by opinion and if it does happen I have a reference to point back to.
I hope I am wrong, but really the odds are in my favor. I mean as much cocaine comes in this country everyday it’s not hard to think of the same amount of other white powders could be making it in. I am also pretty sure that “terrorists” can run equally well as illegal immigrants who make it in everyday. If you were to do your research you would quickly find that the main wording that has the critics in an uproar is the specifics concerning methods needed to track a "lone wolf" terrorist. If we try to think of how “secure” our country is in concert with how some people in the world think about us it’s really quite surprising that we are not hit more often.
If you think of the Oklahoma City Bombing of 1995, a little fertilizer can make all the difference in the world. Who needs nitro?
The good news is (if it can be considered good news) right now the “terrorists” want us to bring our soldiers home as bad as we want them to come home. There are a few putting up a show in their neighborhoods wanting mainly to show that they are willing to fight the evil infidels. (They are fighting their propaganda the same as we fight ours.)
Our President has proven definitively that he and his administration have the power to bring the United States military machine to bear regardless of what “We the People” think. Also “We the People” should give ourselves a hand as well. We have proven that we’ll do most anything if you make us mad enough. Finally lets not forget the United States Media who is so good at making us mad. We have a well oiled machine when someone “justifies” us.
Why do other countries hate us?
I am sure most of you know that we as a country and a people are not thought of very highly by the rest of the world’s citizens. “Hate” may be a strong word in SOME cases but definitely not all. Our government tells us that other countries are mad at our way of life, and in SOME cases this is true, but not all.
There is not any one reason why we are looked at the way we are. Like everything else in life a combination of things, big and small come together to form opinions.
During my time in our military I qualified for particular jobs and schooling that allowed me to travel the world a little more than the average soldier my pay grade. I will not get into all the specifics of my occupation here. I will do what I can to write these things here as I see them now and I have seen them during my times in other countries.
#####
I think the most important step here is not to let our media and our government, confuse us about the difference between a country and a country’s people.
#####
When our media flashes professors and film clips telling us that the people of another country can’t understand why were hurting them, because they don’t have anything against us as a people, they are absolutely right. When our government tell us that another country is against and is at war with our way of life and basic beliefs……..THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Most people don’t take the time to learn the differences in definitions here. Because most stories are equally true, both sides are able to find ample “proof” and “evidence” to support there desires. Our media always wins because our media always gets the last word. If you ask enough people the same question eventually you’ll get the answer your looking for.
#####
“A country” when discussed here is defined by as the ruling body of the country.
I will make every attempt to use “a country’s people” when talking about opinions of the masses. Even my headline here can be misleading.
#####
On the average the people of the world believe that we are a powerful, loud arrogant group of people who are in ways “spoiled” like children. We insist on having our own way and will throw a tantrum if we don’t get it. We are dangerous, and in general a scary group of individuals. The governments of other countries feel in generally the same way about our government, and therefore our country.
#####
I could and most likely will write A LOT concerning our own propaganda campaigns, but for now let’s just say that we sold ourselves hard on the lie.
#####
I was once told that there are two ways to meet a United States Soldier. In a bar yelling at a girl from your country or giving you first aid after shooting you. I told this story to a fellow soldier once and he said he would only give first-aid if there was a news camera there.
If I were able to write in a dramatic pause here I would.
Our soldiers are trained to kill and die. All the education in whatever field you’re in is only to support one of those two goals. Soldiers in their hearts know this. It’s not something we tell our parents or family members. We don’t even admit it to ourselves most times. We hide it under layer and layer of a persona that can not die. Our military helps us to build this persona with weeks of training and then years of “brainwashing”. (yeah I said brainwashing) It’s called confidence and if taken in too large of a dose it can have a side effect similar to steroids.
Most of our people only have knowledge of other countries from popular media, or by whatever slant our government is currently projecting. Please remember that other countries people can only form there opinions of us by their popular media and whatever slants their government is projecting us as. America however also has our soldiers all over the world representing us, our culture, and our beliefs. Do you think that a person who is not allowed to define his own enemy, a person who is at their heart afraid to embrace a culture that he believes he may be ordered to destroy is a good representative of the “people” of our country? Are they a good representative of you?
How would you act to a people you "have to" kill? I say "have to" because not doing so when ordered to is called "treason". Not doing so can and likely will cause your friend next to you to die. He is thinking the same about you and that is the only reason he is killing. These are questions you don’t like to ask yourself. BTW many of these soldiers did not have another option so take whatever hypothetical “I would not allow myself to be in that situation.” scenario you are telling yourself and try to suppress it long enough to get to the truth. Take everything else out of your mind and put yourself defending your "family". It does not matter that the person across the road does not “want” to kill you. What matters is that he is trying to. Once you pass over words like “terror”, “shame”, and “duty”, I think "emotionally distant" from the "enemy" could be considered an accurate description of how you would feel. What lies would you tell yourself and, what would you come to believe in order to get though each day? What kind of person would you become? Would that person be a good representative of us as a country?
#####
Stick with me I am getting to the point
#####
This is a case where we as a people are being judged because of the “views” of our government, as well as the image our government wants and needs to portray. It is the job of our government to protect us and “keep” us strong. This is not only done by maintaining a strong “confident” military but portraying an incredibly strong image to the world. In every playground in the world there is a person who at one level or another understands the need to maintain a strong image so that they can keep getting that lunch money. Most of us know that if we “stand-up” to the bully he will back down. The ones you fear the most from your childhood are the ones that beat you down for trying. A bully can get YEARS of respect from one good playground thrashing. Unfortunately, that is the system our government is trapped in. “We the people” feel that we are past that and that we have somehow evolved beyond it, and I like to think that in our hearts we have. Unfortunately we are not alone in the playground. The world hates and fears us because our government needs them too. We need them to fear us on some level. The fear alone is enough to stop the fight.
Other countries hate us because we need them too. The illusion of our strength is the only thing that keeps us ahead in the game. When the bully shows weakness another bully steps up to take his place. Peace though peaceful means is not an option. I wish it were but its not. We are caught in a runaway lie that we can not admit to, and their hate and fear has gotten us this far.
##################
More speculation follows
Fear will always stop us. The definition of peace and peacefulness involve the right to believe what someone wants to, in a way that someone wants to. As long as any two belief systems differ in that definition, peace can not be achieved. The two politically and militarily strong belief systems on our planet have advocated the killing of others in the name of “conversion”.
There is not any one reason why we are looked at the way we are. Like everything else in life a combination of things, big and small come together to form opinions.
During my time in our military I qualified for particular jobs and schooling that allowed me to travel the world a little more than the average soldier my pay grade. I will not get into all the specifics of my occupation here. I will do what I can to write these things here as I see them now and I have seen them during my times in other countries.
#####
I think the most important step here is not to let our media and our government, confuse us about the difference between a country and a country’s people.
#####
When our media flashes professors and film clips telling us that the people of another country can’t understand why were hurting them, because they don’t have anything against us as a people, they are absolutely right. When our government tell us that another country is against and is at war with our way of life and basic beliefs……..THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Most people don’t take the time to learn the differences in definitions here. Because most stories are equally true, both sides are able to find ample “proof” and “evidence” to support there desires. Our media always wins because our media always gets the last word. If you ask enough people the same question eventually you’ll get the answer your looking for.
#####
“A country” when discussed here is defined by as the ruling body of the country.
I will make every attempt to use “a country’s people” when talking about opinions of the masses. Even my headline here can be misleading.
#####
On the average the people of the world believe that we are a powerful, loud arrogant group of people who are in ways “spoiled” like children. We insist on having our own way and will throw a tantrum if we don’t get it. We are dangerous, and in general a scary group of individuals. The governments of other countries feel in generally the same way about our government, and therefore our country.
#####
I could and most likely will write A LOT concerning our own propaganda campaigns, but for now let’s just say that we sold ourselves hard on the lie.
#####
I was once told that there are two ways to meet a United States Soldier. In a bar yelling at a girl from your country or giving you first aid after shooting you. I told this story to a fellow soldier once and he said he would only give first-aid if there was a news camera there.
If I were able to write in a dramatic pause here I would.
Our soldiers are trained to kill and die. All the education in whatever field you’re in is only to support one of those two goals. Soldiers in their hearts know this. It’s not something we tell our parents or family members. We don’t even admit it to ourselves most times. We hide it under layer and layer of a persona that can not die. Our military helps us to build this persona with weeks of training and then years of “brainwashing”. (yeah I said brainwashing) It’s called confidence and if taken in too large of a dose it can have a side effect similar to steroids.
Most of our people only have knowledge of other countries from popular media, or by whatever slant our government is currently projecting. Please remember that other countries people can only form there opinions of us by their popular media and whatever slants their government is projecting us as. America however also has our soldiers all over the world representing us, our culture, and our beliefs. Do you think that a person who is not allowed to define his own enemy, a person who is at their heart afraid to embrace a culture that he believes he may be ordered to destroy is a good representative of the “people” of our country? Are they a good representative of you?
How would you act to a people you "have to" kill? I say "have to" because not doing so when ordered to is called "treason". Not doing so can and likely will cause your friend next to you to die. He is thinking the same about you and that is the only reason he is killing. These are questions you don’t like to ask yourself. BTW many of these soldiers did not have another option so take whatever hypothetical “I would not allow myself to be in that situation.” scenario you are telling yourself and try to suppress it long enough to get to the truth. Take everything else out of your mind and put yourself defending your "family". It does not matter that the person across the road does not “want” to kill you. What matters is that he is trying to. Once you pass over words like “terror”, “shame”, and “duty”, I think "emotionally distant" from the "enemy" could be considered an accurate description of how you would feel. What lies would you tell yourself and, what would you come to believe in order to get though each day? What kind of person would you become? Would that person be a good representative of us as a country?
#####
Stick with me I am getting to the point
#####
This is a case where we as a people are being judged because of the “views” of our government, as well as the image our government wants and needs to portray. It is the job of our government to protect us and “keep” us strong. This is not only done by maintaining a strong “confident” military but portraying an incredibly strong image to the world. In every playground in the world there is a person who at one level or another understands the need to maintain a strong image so that they can keep getting that lunch money. Most of us know that if we “stand-up” to the bully he will back down. The ones you fear the most from your childhood are the ones that beat you down for trying. A bully can get YEARS of respect from one good playground thrashing. Unfortunately, that is the system our government is trapped in. “We the people” feel that we are past that and that we have somehow evolved beyond it, and I like to think that in our hearts we have. Unfortunately we are not alone in the playground. The world hates and fears us because our government needs them too. We need them to fear us on some level. The fear alone is enough to stop the fight.
Other countries hate us because we need them too. The illusion of our strength is the only thing that keeps us ahead in the game. When the bully shows weakness another bully steps up to take his place. Peace though peaceful means is not an option. I wish it were but its not. We are caught in a runaway lie that we can not admit to, and their hate and fear has gotten us this far.
##################
More speculation follows
Fear will always stop us. The definition of peace and peacefulness involve the right to believe what someone wants to, in a way that someone wants to. As long as any two belief systems differ in that definition, peace can not be achieved. The two politically and militarily strong belief systems on our planet have advocated the killing of others in the name of “conversion”.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Inside the mind of a Dead-Beat Dad
We as men in America are not given the option to be bad humans. We are defined not by our ability to give or receive love but by our ability to provide for the ones we love. I am twice divorced and have two lovely daughters, who I worship.
Health issues have not exactly allowed me to live the life I would have liked to live. Because of that I have never been able to help with the lives of my daughters after my divorces. I have barely been able to survive myself, and I would not have survived had it not been for the charity of others.
These are things that I “know” are not my fault but I can not properly describe the shame I have when I think about it. I “should” be able to do more, but every plan seems to crap out. Geography does not allow me to visit and if I were to visit I can literally do nothing. Both girls are at an age where it is hard to understand.
This year I would maybe be able to see my second daughter at Christmas. To do this I would have to borrow a car, drive illegally risking jail time because I have no license or insurance. I was told in a reply email that my daughter had “moved on”. Then I was told how much she cries when I can’t stay. I was not told to “stay away”, but the letter was definitely angled to let me know exactly how it would end up being a burden on my daughter and my ex-wife’s new family.
I don’t understand what I am supposed to do. I don’t know which way makes me the worst father. I feel like visiting disturbs her life and makes her sad. I feel like trying to visit her makes me a bad father because I have nothing to offer her other than a hug. In one hand I miss her with all my heart and cry when I think that I can not hold her, but in the another part of brain says that if I love her I will let her “move on”.
Can a 7 year old “move on”? Am I paranoid to think that she was given a little help by her mother in which direction she should move?
I am in a good relationship now, with someone who has made me very happy. She understands my limitations, but always pushes me to keep trying. There is not a lot of money available for anything other than utilities and this internet connection which we use for communication. Things don’t look as dark in my life as they used too. I feel like if I could be a small part of my daughters’ life then I might be able to be happy about myself and my life. Should I wait?
I am quite sure that there are some real asshole Dads out there, but I don’t feel that my income and health should be a factor.
I am equally sure that not all people considered to be bad fathers are bad fathers. I believe it’s another example our world changing without our definitions changing. Our world is judged in black and white, unfortunately all of the gray is shoved into the black area. To make it worse it’s NOT SOCIETY that is judging us. It is WE THE DADS who is our own worst critics. Many of us are so ashamed that we can not give our children the life we swore that we would give them when we watched them being born. We want so much for our children to be happy that we wonder if that is possible if we are part of there lives.
If all things could be grouped in the realms of love and hate, then it very possible that the only thing stronger than a parents love for their child is the Hate they feel for themselves when they think about how they have failed her.
By stepping away, have I failed her again?
Health issues have not exactly allowed me to live the life I would have liked to live. Because of that I have never been able to help with the lives of my daughters after my divorces. I have barely been able to survive myself, and I would not have survived had it not been for the charity of others.
These are things that I “know” are not my fault but I can not properly describe the shame I have when I think about it. I “should” be able to do more, but every plan seems to crap out. Geography does not allow me to visit and if I were to visit I can literally do nothing. Both girls are at an age where it is hard to understand.
This year I would maybe be able to see my second daughter at Christmas. To do this I would have to borrow a car, drive illegally risking jail time because I have no license or insurance. I was told in a reply email that my daughter had “moved on”. Then I was told how much she cries when I can’t stay. I was not told to “stay away”, but the letter was definitely angled to let me know exactly how it would end up being a burden on my daughter and my ex-wife’s new family.
I don’t understand what I am supposed to do. I don’t know which way makes me the worst father. I feel like visiting disturbs her life and makes her sad. I feel like trying to visit her makes me a bad father because I have nothing to offer her other than a hug. In one hand I miss her with all my heart and cry when I think that I can not hold her, but in the another part of brain says that if I love her I will let her “move on”.
Can a 7 year old “move on”? Am I paranoid to think that she was given a little help by her mother in which direction she should move?
I am in a good relationship now, with someone who has made me very happy. She understands my limitations, but always pushes me to keep trying. There is not a lot of money available for anything other than utilities and this internet connection which we use for communication. Things don’t look as dark in my life as they used too. I feel like if I could be a small part of my daughters’ life then I might be able to be happy about myself and my life. Should I wait?
I am quite sure that there are some real asshole Dads out there, but I don’t feel that my income and health should be a factor.
I am equally sure that not all people considered to be bad fathers are bad fathers. I believe it’s another example our world changing without our definitions changing. Our world is judged in black and white, unfortunately all of the gray is shoved into the black area. To make it worse it’s NOT SOCIETY that is judging us. It is WE THE DADS who is our own worst critics. Many of us are so ashamed that we can not give our children the life we swore that we would give them when we watched them being born. We want so much for our children to be happy that we wonder if that is possible if we are part of there lives.
If all things could be grouped in the realms of love and hate, then it very possible that the only thing stronger than a parents love for their child is the Hate they feel for themselves when they think about how they have failed her.
By stepping away, have I failed her again?
Why make our weaknesses public?
Good morning!
It is December 15th at about 7am EST and I have read the news and had some thoughts. The news I was reading to be specific is
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/12/15/MNGADG892M1.DTL
It’s a Google news link concerning our (Americas) torture policies. It is specifically concerning the "War on Terror".
When I was a kid I did not know that my grandmother was not allowed to "beat" me till I was "black and blue". Often I was told that if I was found in the pantry again that would be the punishment of the day. Although my Grandmother was not a saint, she never beat me. Still the threat was enough to keep me out. Later in life thanks to the "help" of my teachers I was educated as to what a parent could and could not do to a child. At this point I went home and educated the adults in my life. I never had a problem getting in that pantry again.
The first step in winning a game or war or argument or anything is to understand the limitations and strengths of your enemy. Another step is controlling the information so that your enemy can not do the same to you:
"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him."- Sun Tzu, the Art of War
Being a veteran I understand a need to insure that we as human beings do not lose our humanity by finding excuses to strip others of their own. I believe most if not all soldiers know and understand that we will give more humanity than we will receive.
However, what I don’t understand is how we can expect to defend our future when we loudly acclaim our limitations to the world. Even if we make the law and we make the rules, and we enforce them amongst ourselves, why give the world yet ANOTHER tool to use against us.
Well...one possible answer is one you will read many times in the future here, or hear many times if you were to b around me. It’s the obvious answer. They really don’t care.
The world is becoming a place of "tolerance" and "understanding". A world if you don't like the laws and you have enough money then you can move to a country that’s a little more your speed. A world where commercial air time costs rise and fall based on death toll. A world where video games teach our young methods of war. A world where our politicians and media would rather insure their own place in history, than make sure we have a history at all.
Our American values are taught to us in a manner that makes us believe that if others do not KNOW we did good, then we might as well not do good. We as Americans need to be public about our lives, but do we need to be public about our limitations?
Like children getting into the pantry sometimes it is the fear of the beating that will stop you.
In the is age of "understanding" nobody seems to be ready to admit that it is human nature to enforce your way of life on others. Your views, your policies will always be a subject to disagree about. The strong will force upon the weak, and the weak will fight back and/or evolve. This is a fact of life that WILL NOT CHANGE. Any event to argue it with me only begins to prove it as true. Up until recently we have been doing the enforcing. How would you or your children feel if the situation were to be reversed? Would you like to be an Iraqi woman right now?
Do you believe in your heart that if the situation were reversed then we would be treated differently? Do you think all will be forgotten? Do you think they will "forget" that anyone not of their beliefs is "the enemy"?
I don’t need an answer here but you need to answer yourself where you are.
Unfortunately the need to keep the people informed is more important than the need to keep the people alive. That seems to be the answer to the question above.
Teach your children tolerance, but don’t take for granted that others are doing the same.
##########
December 20th 2005
Since writing these thoughts down our President has addressed the nation concerning among other things the issues stated above. He stated how we give our enemies information when we speak publicly about these issues. Specifically sighted how American press releasing the details of our tracking of Usama Bin Laden gave our enemies the information needed to change their methods. In interviews afterwards while the “experts” discussed the statements no one would discuss the security issues problem. I would be interested in the location of any information concerning this subject. If you find any either pro or con please leave that link in the comments here. Thank you.
It is December 15th at about 7am EST and I have read the news and had some thoughts. The news I was reading to be specific is
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/12/15/MNGADG892M1.DTL
It’s a Google news link concerning our (Americas) torture policies. It is specifically concerning the "War on Terror".
When I was a kid I did not know that my grandmother was not allowed to "beat" me till I was "black and blue". Often I was told that if I was found in the pantry again that would be the punishment of the day. Although my Grandmother was not a saint, she never beat me. Still the threat was enough to keep me out. Later in life thanks to the "help" of my teachers I was educated as to what a parent could and could not do to a child. At this point I went home and educated the adults in my life. I never had a problem getting in that pantry again.
The first step in winning a game or war or argument or anything is to understand the limitations and strengths of your enemy. Another step is controlling the information so that your enemy can not do the same to you:
"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him."- Sun Tzu, the Art of War
Being a veteran I understand a need to insure that we as human beings do not lose our humanity by finding excuses to strip others of their own. I believe most if not all soldiers know and understand that we will give more humanity than we will receive.
However, what I don’t understand is how we can expect to defend our future when we loudly acclaim our limitations to the world. Even if we make the law and we make the rules, and we enforce them amongst ourselves, why give the world yet ANOTHER tool to use against us.
Well...one possible answer is one you will read many times in the future here, or hear many times if you were to b around me. It’s the obvious answer. They really don’t care.
The world is becoming a place of "tolerance" and "understanding". A world if you don't like the laws and you have enough money then you can move to a country that’s a little more your speed. A world where commercial air time costs rise and fall based on death toll. A world where video games teach our young methods of war. A world where our politicians and media would rather insure their own place in history, than make sure we have a history at all.
Our American values are taught to us in a manner that makes us believe that if others do not KNOW we did good, then we might as well not do good. We as Americans need to be public about our lives, but do we need to be public about our limitations?
Like children getting into the pantry sometimes it is the fear of the beating that will stop you.
In the is age of "understanding" nobody seems to be ready to admit that it is human nature to enforce your way of life on others. Your views, your policies will always be a subject to disagree about. The strong will force upon the weak, and the weak will fight back and/or evolve. This is a fact of life that WILL NOT CHANGE. Any event to argue it with me only begins to prove it as true. Up until recently we have been doing the enforcing. How would you or your children feel if the situation were to be reversed? Would you like to be an Iraqi woman right now?
Do you believe in your heart that if the situation were reversed then we would be treated differently? Do you think all will be forgotten? Do you think they will "forget" that anyone not of their beliefs is "the enemy"?
I don’t need an answer here but you need to answer yourself where you are.
Unfortunately the need to keep the people informed is more important than the need to keep the people alive. That seems to be the answer to the question above.
Teach your children tolerance, but don’t take for granted that others are doing the same.
##########
December 20th 2005
Since writing these thoughts down our President has addressed the nation concerning among other things the issues stated above. He stated how we give our enemies information when we speak publicly about these issues. Specifically sighted how American press releasing the details of our tracking of Usama Bin Laden gave our enemies the information needed to change their methods. In interviews afterwards while the “experts” discussed the statements no one would discuss the security issues problem. I would be interested in the location of any information concerning this subject. If you find any either pro or con please leave that link in the comments here. Thank you.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Back for more
Well I am undecided as of yet whether or not this is going to work for me. After my last post (lol only about an hour ago) I walked away from my keyboard feeling a little better. Then stupid me I came back and read it.
...
I got headphones the other day. Nice ones with the noise reduction. They were given to me like an early Christmas present. My old music sounds like new music. Kind of makes it hard to type.
...
Ok the reason reading my post was a bad idea is because it promotes a feeling of hopelessness. I mean, I have always tried to just accept the things that I know that I can not change. It seems pointless to try to complain about the obvious. LOL One the of things I like to complain about most is that people do that!
Asking "why" here leads to more questions than I care to attempt to type. I think I will settle for justifying my impulse by answering the question..."Why is it ok to complain about these things but not the others?"
Well....I dont know!
It just seems like most of the stuff I complain about has a way to be fixed. Granted, although my answers are possible they are in most cases implausable. Which is to say it could be done, but no one will do it.
*******************************
Example: I have a disease. There is no cure known to science at this time. Treatments are designed to lessen the pain but nothing can be done to cure it. I am not happy about the situation but its not something I tend to complain about. I lost that Lotto.
HOWEVER!! I can complain about losses of paperwork and changes in government policies that mean that I can not even recieve the treatments listed above. I CAN complain that because I dont fall into what is an outdated definition of a "minority", I can not get the same help that someone able to get pregnant can get.
*******************************
I know these words sound bitter, and I want to make myself clear that I am in no way mad at those who are able to get help in their lives. I am not mad at those who need to and do use the system, I am mad at the system that wont allow for a truly raceless, genderless standard.
Fixable? YES! National health care may very well be coming, and in that we may see our young lawmakers of all races and religions put away their grandfathers hates and fears long enough to see that our world HAS changed and our laws and government need to reflect those changes.
Plausable? NO Not as long as you need to wear a $400.00 suit to be accepted as a lawmaker in this country. As long as the first step to solving a problem is emulating the people who created the problem we can go no where.
I think these small differences in perspective are the only things I have to allow myself permission to bitch about the world.
If you think about it I am sure you can see why.
I need to get something together for dinner. I will be back later.
...
I got headphones the other day. Nice ones with the noise reduction. They were given to me like an early Christmas present. My old music sounds like new music. Kind of makes it hard to type.
...
Ok the reason reading my post was a bad idea is because it promotes a feeling of hopelessness. I mean, I have always tried to just accept the things that I know that I can not change. It seems pointless to try to complain about the obvious. LOL One the of things I like to complain about most is that people do that!
Asking "why" here leads to more questions than I care to attempt to type. I think I will settle for justifying my impulse by answering the question..."Why is it ok to complain about these things but not the others?"
Well....I dont know!
It just seems like most of the stuff I complain about has a way to be fixed. Granted, although my answers are possible they are in most cases implausable. Which is to say it could be done, but no one will do it.
*******************************
Example: I have a disease. There is no cure known to science at this time. Treatments are designed to lessen the pain but nothing can be done to cure it. I am not happy about the situation but its not something I tend to complain about. I lost that Lotto.
HOWEVER!! I can complain about losses of paperwork and changes in government policies that mean that I can not even recieve the treatments listed above. I CAN complain that because I dont fall into what is an outdated definition of a "minority", I can not get the same help that someone able to get pregnant can get.
*******************************
I know these words sound bitter, and I want to make myself clear that I am in no way mad at those who are able to get help in their lives. I am not mad at those who need to and do use the system, I am mad at the system that wont allow for a truly raceless, genderless standard.
Fixable? YES! National health care may very well be coming, and in that we may see our young lawmakers of all races and religions put away their grandfathers hates and fears long enough to see that our world HAS changed and our laws and government need to reflect those changes.
Plausable? NO Not as long as you need to wear a $400.00 suit to be accepted as a lawmaker in this country. As long as the first step to solving a problem is emulating the people who created the problem we can go no where.
I think these small differences in perspective are the only things I have to allow myself permission to bitch about the world.
If you think about it I am sure you can see why.
I need to get something together for dinner. I will be back later.
Begin at the Beginning
Well, here it is. I am joining with the masses in some effort to be heard. Sometimes talking to yourself makes you feel good even if someone watching you do it thinks your crazy.
This is the beginning of what I hope to be a kind of therapy for myself. My friend suggested that I give something like this a try. She says that maybe others might be interested in my opinions but I suspect it may also be away to stop me from talking and bitching all the time.
I complain a lot.
I mean ALOT. At times I think I may cross the line into whining, but I have a habit of always asking "why", and most likely I do not enjoy the answer. Then...............comes the rant.
The news is the worst. Please understand that I am a 33 year old, fairly well educated, white American Male. I am a twice divorced father of two, who according to popular media would be defined as a dead-beat dad. I am a veteran of the US Army. I have illnesses that don't allow me the freedoms of movement that I used to enjoy, and therefore my employment capabilities are limited.
Regardless of what my ancestors may or may have not done to anyone else's Ancestors, America is currently well aimed against my kind of person. ( I only say it in this way because I know someone, somewhere will be happy to recount how bad others have had it in the past) To those who would tell me about the past, well I agree completely. People in the past have suffered greatly for little or no reason. That however does not make me feel better about how I feel about my life....Our lives... NOW.
Well back to what I was talking about................... The news is the worst. I try not to watch. I alternate between yelling at the screen and laughing at what our news agencies think is important news.
....................And then I ask why.....................
Late night and standup comics made fun of, and criticized the news agencies ( CNN, FOX NEWS) for showing Jackson trial updates instead of Iraqi news updates. I did too, but the question why is simple to answer. We're stupid. Let me repeat. We're stupid. Enough of our homebound TV watching Americans were more than happy to turn away from Springer long enough to see a story about pedophilia. I know we as a people wont change, but I can still be frustrated about it.
Not only do we I general 'like" bad news, but we like a particular kind of bad news. Soldiers who die because they are ordered too is not juicy enough. We apparently need some good old fashioned child rape as well.
Think about that. Ill be back later
This is the beginning of what I hope to be a kind of therapy for myself. My friend suggested that I give something like this a try. She says that maybe others might be interested in my opinions but I suspect it may also be away to stop me from talking and bitching all the time.
I complain a lot.
I mean ALOT. At times I think I may cross the line into whining, but I have a habit of always asking "why", and most likely I do not enjoy the answer. Then...............comes the rant.
The news is the worst. Please understand that I am a 33 year old, fairly well educated, white American Male. I am a twice divorced father of two, who according to popular media would be defined as a dead-beat dad. I am a veteran of the US Army. I have illnesses that don't allow me the freedoms of movement that I used to enjoy, and therefore my employment capabilities are limited.
Regardless of what my ancestors may or may have not done to anyone else's Ancestors, America is currently well aimed against my kind of person. ( I only say it in this way because I know someone, somewhere will be happy to recount how bad others have had it in the past) To those who would tell me about the past, well I agree completely. People in the past have suffered greatly for little or no reason. That however does not make me feel better about how I feel about my life....Our lives... NOW.
Well back to what I was talking about................... The news is the worst. I try not to watch. I alternate between yelling at the screen and laughing at what our news agencies think is important news.
....................And then I ask why.....................
Late night and standup comics made fun of, and criticized the news agencies ( CNN, FOX NEWS) for showing Jackson trial updates instead of Iraqi news updates. I did too, but the question why is simple to answer. We're stupid. Let me repeat. We're stupid. Enough of our homebound TV watching Americans were more than happy to turn away from Springer long enough to see a story about pedophilia. I know we as a people wont change, but I can still be frustrated about it.
Not only do we I general 'like" bad news, but we like a particular kind of bad news. Soldiers who die because they are ordered too is not juicy enough. We apparently need some good old fashioned child rape as well.
Think about that. Ill be back later
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