As usual watching the news has made me mad. In this case we might be working under the Mad “as in crazy” definition. I was writing about presidential power, and being mad at myself for actually feeling sorry for our President. The thoughts came together, as most thoughts do and added themselves to a series of “but then” and “well if that’s true.”
I have never held a public office. I loudly say that I have never wanted to. I am neither Republican nor Democrat. I believe that the understood meaning of what a President is and does has changed somehow from the ideas we are taught to the reality that we expect.
Somehow we expect a President to be more experienced in life and in the changes that are happening on a global scale. At this point I would like to point out that information does not equal experience.
Isn’t it supposed to work that “we the people” tell him where we want to go and then he figures out a way to lead us there? Where is it said that we also have the right to tell him how we want to get there? I wonder what would happen if “we the people” could agree on what we want and then honestly let someone “lead” us there. I have come to believe that “we the people” can easily be compared to the kids in the back seat asking “are we there yet?”
DISCLAIMER: To the best of my knowledge the “Official Pragmatic Party” is a fictional organization that I am making up off the top of my head. Nothing here is meant to insult but it is meant to promote thought. Like most things concerning government and its policies this is muddy and convoluted at best. Good luck
Even though I believe it would showcase my honesty with the nation to run on the “deadbeat drunk” ticket, I should probably come up with a name that will allow me some votes by default. So at this time I would like to announce the founding of the “Official Pragmatic Party”
Keeping inline with my party’s beliefs, I want announce now where we stand on issues, and in what direction we will “LEAD” our nation.
Agreeing to Elect the OPP is an agreement that we have the following goals:
Leave people alone and not interfere with their human or individual rights.
People leave us alone and not interfere with our human or individual rights.
That’s it! This is our destination. What follows are some of the methods we are going to use to get there.
Step one: Vocabulary
I say constantly here that if we can come together on the meaning of our words than we can avoid a lot of confusion, so let me start by saying that I do not believe in the separation of a foreign policy or a domestic policy. Our domestic decisions impact upon the world and vice-versa. What I am discussing here is the OPPP. (Official Pragmatic Party Policy)
prag·mat·ic adj.
Dealing or concerned with facts or actual occurrences; practical.
Philosophy. Of or relating to pragmatism.
Relating to or being the study of cause and effect in historical or political events with emphasis on the practical lessons to be learned from them.
Archaic.
Active; busy.
Active in an officious or meddlesome way.
Dogmatic; dictatorial.
n.
A pragmatic sanction.
Archaic. A meddler; a busybody.
OPP Letter to the World
America would like to announce that we have come under new management. “We the people” of America believe that Democracy in some form is the fairest and most efficient form of government, but we recognize and respect whatever form of government you have chosen.
We recognize your human rights and freedoms to govern yourself and will no longer make any attempt to interfere or assist in your lives.
We will no longer attack or threaten you or your way of life in anyway unless you physically attack us. You have the right to voice your opinion on the global stage, but we believe you will soon realize that we no longer care whether or not you believe we are right.
We understand that to some of you our way of life is alien and disturbing. It has come to our attention that regardless of our goodwill our methods we are not acceptable to you. It is with this in mind that we have decided that it is best if we simply stop trying to convince you. We have watched you for a long time and we feel that eventually you will either figure out a peaceful resolution without our help or kill yourselves anyway.
We wish to announce at this time that we are willing to forgive any trespasses against us and we are hoping with our hearts and souls that you are willing to do the same. At this time we believe the score is 0-0 and we do not wish to play anymore.
Please be advised that we are attempting to have some “alone time”. We no longer wish to be involved in World affairs. It is our sincere hope that the rest of you can learn to get along but be advised that we do not plan on assisting anyone in anyway should trouble arise. We as a nation are begging you not to do anything that would directly cause us to feel a need to respond.
We feel at this time it is only fair to announce that we will no longer plan on honoring anything that was to this point considered part of our “National Debt.” Nor do we expect any of you to feel that you owe us anything.
At this time we do not have any enemies. At this time we have no friends.
Respectfully,
America
That will hopefully take care of some stuff. I am banking on stereotypes being strong enough for the rest of the world to be happy just to be rid of us. Meanwhile, as they continuously hit redial only to realize we took the phone off the hook this is what we will be doing here.
Religion in America
The Christian God will be declared the official God of the nation and any nation that has a different God will be considered an enemy. All others that worship God will also be considered an enemy because they don't worship the way we do. We at the OPP are not planning on warring or fighting with anyone, but we need to know who to keep an eye on.
As usual you will have the right to worship whatever God you want but as long as the majority in the country worship “God” then as a democratic society we are required to represent the wishes of the majority. Freedom “of” Religion does not and will not guarantee you Freedom “from” Religion.
I am not a Christian but if saying God in your morning prayers will let you work for us better than that’s cool with me. It’s your right, and I am here for you. (Pagans can use this time to feel superior which is our right under our Constitution.)
Since you are however Christian we need to do some things to protect you. Pagans for the most part don't have a grievance with each other, but lets face it Christians in general you have made some people kind of mad. I am not judging, I am just being honest here. Your charities and mission work don't make it to CNN as fast as some of your other historic events. We at OPP take responsibility for our people, but we reserve the right to hinder you ability to get yourselves and therefore the rest of us in any more trouble.
I propose we stop broadcasting our news for a couple years, probably longer to the outside world. Freedom of Press is an “American Right” and there for I don't believe it covers anything about a “right” to broadcast outside America. Nor do I believe it involves allowing that freedom to Non-American. People do stupid things when they are scared and not knowing what is going on in America from day to day will scare the hell out of a lot of people. We will use that fear to our advantage later.
In order for something like this to work we will have to make some changes in our own lives but they all create jobs as well as social awareness so they should work even if they do cause a lot of bitching.
I propose that we stop educating foreign nationals and we give those slots to the poorest smartest American kids we can find. (Since we are no longer accepting anyone new into the country this step will be easier than it sounds.) I am tired of seeing us educate foreign nationals only to see them overcharge us for services so they can support their non-educated immigrant family. I propose that we make MANY doctors and salary cap the profession as a whole. We allow specialists but we create a surplus of general practitioners. There is no reason why any child or adult should go without medical aid, and there is no reason why any doctor should demand a BMW to give it to you. If you don't want to be a doctor to help people then don't be a doctor. Because of this we will be making advanced first aid a mandatory high school class. Knowing a subject from predicate has no meaning if you can’t stop yourself from bleeding to death.
I will also propose a law that insures no “Educational Dynasties.” Meaning if your father went to “medical school” or is now or has been practicing in any high demand trade or trade school, you will not be allowed to. We want to spread the wealth around and knowledge is wealth. (A good lawyer could try to argue this, but after you see what we have in mind for lawyers you’ll rethink this.)
American Domestic Infighting
There will be a one year mandatory military service, followed by a mandatory 2 year reserve status. While in your mandatory time you will NOT be deployed or used in any combat situation, you will however help with such things as disaster relief and other social reform projects. You will receive pay that is less than the wage of a volunteer soldier but it will be a livable wage. You will receive the same basic training as any full time soldier regardless of your religious affiliation, or personal belief. Your opinion in this matter is valued of course but meaningless in the long run. (We at the OPP believe that a basic problem with our country is that we have nothing in common. This mandatory schooling will begin to put us all on a common ground.) All federal grants, loans and scholarships will be decided and based on the quality of your mandatory service. After your mandatory service you will be allowed to voluntarily continue your service with very competitive benefits.
Immigration Trouble
At the time of the OPP election everyone standing on American soil is at that time considered to be an American. American citizen who are abroad will be given 5 working days to return to the United States, failure to make it on time will result in loss of citizenship. ALL SOLDIERS will be recalled to America. Foreign nationals legal or otherwise will be given 5 working days to claim their citizenship. Foreign owned properties will be seized and ambassadors will be asked to leave until further notice. Until further notice no other person will be coming to or leaving America. Finally our melting pot is going to begin to actually melt something. (Upon consideration it is believed once other changes have been emplaced it may be possible to allow family members that did not make it in the 5 day purge to apply for “Americanism.”)
War and Warmongering
Our military will shift gears from large “invasion” style forces to small “sleeper cell” forces who will be our eyes and ears on the ground. The majority of our military will be on ships, in planes and in relative safety as we fight from a distance, or used for “homeland security”. I as President will not allow the rhetoric of “honor” to put us in a toe to toe fight. We are America and we are beyond that. I am not foolish enough to think that it will never come to killing, but I believe that if we make the decision that our children are more important to us than their children are than our style of fighting becomes obvious. A good Defense is NOT a good offense, but the OPP believes that a good defense is the global fear of a terrifying repercussions. Any attack against the OPP America will be considered the simultaneous and unanimous decision of the offending country and all off its citizens regardless of age to become the first or next global landfill. The repercussions of any attack against the United States will be so severe that I can not properly describe the horror it will create for future generations.
Note: Being a Christian country allows us to come to terms that people fall into two and only two categories.
Christians; who will go to heaven.
Those who deserve to burn in hell.
Rising Oil Costs
Since we will no longer be accepting money from other countries, or allowing our lobbyists to receive money from outside the country I believe we will quickly find that Oil Costs will drop. Our “war machine” will be changing gears so our dependence on oil will lessen.
Companies in America owned by outside interests will have to be seized. Foreign nationals will be given the option to stay or to go. No other option will be made available to them.
The monies normally used for oil purchasing will be used for alternative energy sources. The technology that oil companies have been paying to keep down will be fostered. The sizable budget created by no longer using oil will create a research fund that insures we never again become dependant on it.
Abortion / Prostitution
State laws rules here. If you don't like the laws of your state, then move. I think eventually we will see which states fill up faster and have an accurate description if what you really think on these matters. The only law federally that the OPP will add is that in States that allow abortion you will have to have lived and worked in that state for no less than two years before allowed to take advantage of that states pro abortion standing. No minor will be allowed to have an abortion unless their family has lived and worked in an abortion state for two years. If you are a parent who believes you child is being treated unfairly and deserves an abortion regardless of your location then we at the OPP believe you should have been concerned with raising your daughter BEFORE she was impregnated. I think if we do this we will eventually find the ones who say no and mean yes, or vice-versa. Also no state that allows for abortion can simultaneously allow prostitution.
Prostitution will be made legal on a state to state basis. Federal requirements will require a licensed taxable prostitute system be emplaced. This will create a standard of service as well as an ability to monitor cleanliness and hygiene. No man or woman will be able to take advantage of the pro-prostitution laws of their state until after they have lived and worked for two years in that state.
If you don't like the laws of your state then move. You will also notice that these laws in concert mean that prostitutes can NOT have an abortion. They will receive no benefits for children. If you have exhausted every option in your life to a point that prostitution is absolutely the only thing that you are capable of doing to help society and yet you can not even follow the basic steps that involve doing that profession safely and professionally then quite frankly we don't want you here and we will send you away, with the hopes that your stupidity will be bred into the gene pool of our enemies. You and your new child will be given a one way Visa to wherever is most convenient for us to send you.
Lawmakers: Your ability to get federal funding as well as your personal pay will be directly weighed against the amount of people who have lived and worked in your state for more than two years, so I hope you are prepared to make the laws that the people want.
Drugs and Drug Sales
Any drug not natural in form with any non natural additive will be illegal. Anyone selling these drugs will be put on trial for attempted murder, as well as treason against the United States of America. I think that I will allow you to make your own drugs, but any attempt to give or sell to others in any form will be illegal. Any lands or properties used in the creation of these substances will become government property and will be used in some manner to help the people. If you want to destroy yourself then that decision is yours really as long as you only affect yourself. It is the opinion of the OPP that in this world people at times deserve a release. No one deserves to profit from the release of others. This is a hard law to enforce but I think we can fine tune it. We at the OPP understand that times change and as such laws should change.
Pharmaceutical law will be decided at a later date.
Bribes in Government
Government officials should announce the bribes. I don't mind. I am going to tax the bribes for social work. I fully expect our “lawmakers” to do whatever fundraisers they feel are necessary to make their states better. I think however that when were done organizations are going to find that they have a lot less money to toss around to the Law makers in exchange for there “help” (see; Drugs and drug sales above and think “cigarettes”). Also, law makers are going to find it a lot harder to slip stuff in. I have no desire to limit government power, actually in some things I believe our government will need to exercise some muscles we have not thought of in the past. Those with the power now are going to do whatever they think is necessary to keep it. They are not going to like the idea of your kid going to the same school as their kids.
Laws and Politics
No law will be passed in Congressional or Senatorial or Presidential branches that can not be clearly explained on one 8 ½ X 11 sheet of paper with a size 12 font.
No two laws will be written on the same paper, and no two laws will be solely dependant on each other.
Every law will be posted publicly in electronic form for no less than 60 days. American citizens will be given that time to rate the law on a scale of 1 to 10. Any vote 1-5 being considered a “NO”, and any vote 6-10 being a considered a “yes”. All results will be posted publicly.
The OPP believes that if you don't take the time to vote on these issues than you can not take the time to complain about them. Every effort will made to make “lawmaking” a non-profit occupation.
Unemployment
Since we will be doing a rather abrupt closing of the borders a lot of jobs will be opening up. The Midwest will have a revival of farming technology. California will have to do with the immigrants it has now. I like oranges but if I cant find an American to eventually pick the things off a tree than I can do without. Actually as an example to the rest of America let me say this; If I want orange juice I can pick the damn things of the tree and squeeze them myself. The food we grow will actually go to us instead of countries because I am pulling aid to other countries until we renegotiate the terms, and you can bet they are not going to like the terms.
We will be educating a different standard of life that does not involve such a high need for cash. Our standards will be based on quality over quantity. There will be a cap on things such as movie ticket prices. There will be no editing or censorship of opinion in our media but if you want to give out a message then you should do it for the messages sake and not for the ungodly amount of money your controversy will make.
Those that don't like it have options such as Canada, and Mexico that are within walking distance.
National Debt
I am tired of being told this virtual number is owed to other countries. First of all aren’t we the ones who define the value of a dollar? Also who owes us money? How come we give everything away and then we purposefully take the bad end of a trade in some effort to make the other country feel good? We at the OPP announce that when we take charge one of our first steps will be to tell the globe that we owe them nothing! All bets are off. We will call our allies on the phone and give them a heads up but they will have about 15 minutes to put on a suit and get ready to tell there people about the global economy problems that are coming. If they don't like this they can sue us I guess. Not sure how that would work but I guess if they all get together they might cry loud enough to get our attention, but to be truthful we are the only ones that have ever bothered to get them to try to agree on anything anyway. Other countries either agree with us or agree with each other in there hatred of us. Either way I say we are above that and should just concentrate on our problems and let them kill each other.
We owe them nothing.
Import / Export
Why do you buy a product or service? Either you can’t make it or your to lazy to do it yourself. I am hard pressed to think of something that we “can not” do ourselves here. There are an abundance of things that are inconvenient for us to do, but that does not equal “can’t”.
Until new deals are made there will be no Import / Export. In the beginning we will allow NOTHING AND NO ONE in or out. I know this idea sounds scary. Quite frankly we can’t be sure no cocaine is coming into the country as long as we can’t make sure no coffee is coming in. We can not be sure there are no MORE terrorists coming in until we can make sure NO ONE is coming in. Once we get it under some sort of control then we can do some things in moderation but for the most part keeping our lives and way of life quiet on a global scale will work greatly for our benefit. This will mean some changes in our work ethic. See Unemployment
United Nations
Good bye. That building will make some great housing.
###CLASSIFIED###
OK here is the super secret OPP master plan.
We know that other countries people hate us for a variety of reasons. Some say they are jealous, some say they are morally outraged. We have our differences with the world, but they are the same differences that we have always had. The only change now is that these other people are better informed about our strengths and weaknesses and the truth has empowered them against us. They used to fear us but now that they know more about us and can understand us easier we no longer scare them into submission. The plan of the OPP is to take away any understanding and to once again reap the benefits of global ignorance.
By withdrawing into ourselves we simultaneously stop interfering in stuff that’s none of our business as well as set up a global mystique. We will use this mystique and illusion to barter with the world under new terms. They will no longer know what we are capable of so we can go back to the “good ol’ days” and claim to have godlike supremacy over the rest of the world.
If we don't play our music to loud, and we don't go next door when we realize that the neighbor is beating his wife they wont start resenting our kick-ass stereo or feeling shame in our presence because they know we are judging them. They will have no reason to hate us either real or perceived.
###CLASSIFIED###