There was time during my second marriage where I shared the responsibility of raising two boys. At the time they were around 10 and 13 respectively and came from a troubled background. Both had been passed from home to home and circumstances led to them living with us for a time.
I have not had any contact with them in any way for years and recently was sent a link to the oldest’s Blog. He is turning 18 and is joining the Army. His Blog does not have anything personal on it and for the most part is a collection of internet “personality polls”, all of which have him listed as the coolest of the possibilities.
To be 100% honest I have to say that I was truly glad and unfortunately a little surprised that he was even alive. I know that may seem like an exaggeration but I can not properly describe what mindset I have seen this kid in.
I have seen him happy. I have seen him sad. I seen him stressed and without care in the world, but most of all I have seen him cry. All of these things listed were at times because of me. I have sat alone in a room trying to understand how a human being can get to a point that I had turned into. I had become everything that I did not want to be, all so I could make him into what he wanted to be.
He does not know about this Blog and I don't want him to know. His tests are coming and when it’s over I’ll be judged. There will be more tears.
When it was discovered that this young man was going to join the Army I was sent the link to let me know that I had in fact had some effect on the boys life and decision making process. I criticize the military here in my space. I criticize more those who can not understand why some people need to join the military. I talk here at times that some people join because they have no other real option. This young man easily falls into this category. The rest of the world really does not have any place for him and he no longer has any place for the world.
I think he also falls into a space that I have not discussed. There are some whose life has been so upsetting and disturbed, that the chaos of war, and the discipline brought to them is the only thing able to being them back to “reality”. Imagine your life for a minute a place where you have been so far out of control that the concept of going to war seems calming.
I am amazed at times to watch the young chase down discipline all in the name finding their freedom. I am even more amazed at how that discipline eventually gives them the power to know they were free all along.
Good luck Son
Please remember that you need to be alive to spend that GI Bill, and your friends will appreciate it more if you pull them back into safety rather than taking the bullet for them.
I love you and I am not the only one.
